Perspective.

May 17, 2008 at 12:00 am (Relationships)

It’s been a while since I’ve written a good, solid, substantial entry. Most of it’s been “Oh hey, check it!” or “Anybody got some advice?”

I think you deserve some good reading, and here it is.

Today, I signed up for, on a lark, Shagablogger – naturally, it isn’t the first online dating thing I’ve signed up for. But it’s the first one I’ve connected with, attitude-wise. Plus, the people there seem like good people. Some cute girls, too.

As far as my dating history goes, it’s, shall we say, erratic. Honestly, the longest I’ve ever dated a single girl is probably 2 months; shortest holds the record at three days. Plenty of girls, very few I’ve actually *really* gotten along with. I think it’s more of an attitude thing; I know a lot of people who are willing to suck it up and stick in a bad relationship because they can’t *not* be in a relationship, or that they really don’t want to be without somebody.

What’s funny to me is that I was hanging with a couple female friends of mine last week, and they were gossiping about how one of their girls forbids her guy from seeing his female friends, and vice versa, out of jealousy. They asked my opinion, and I said that it was stupid; if a girl told me I couldn’t hang out with my friends because she didn’t like them, and thought they might try and steal me for themselves, she gets the ejector seat, NOT my friends.

They laughed; I couldn’t possibly be so black and white. I am. My friends are my friends because I know them, and because I trust them. I know none of my guy friends’d never pull something like that, out of respect. And if they went after an ex, so what? There’s a reason I broke up with her in the first place, maybe you’ll have better luck, maybe we’ll just be able to laugh about it later. And the girls, well, I’ve never had one be a friend first and a girlfriend later; the barrier exists, and at that point, we’re totally comfortable.

I titled this Perspective because that’s what it is; I’m twenty-three and I’ve been single for a year now. That’ll probably change when I get to Grad school, but I’ve appreciated how amazing and uncomplicated life is.

(I’ve also been working my ass off and had no chance for a social life, and I live in an area where I can not only count all the people my age on two hands, but have also known them since pre-school. WoW has helped me diversify that quite a bit, even if everybody is all over the place.)

In terms of any relationship, I feel the most important quality is respect. You respect them, they respect you; but you also respect yourself enough to know what’s good and what’s bad. You respect their judgement; why are these people considered friends? You’ll find out shortly.

Even at 23, I’ve seen too many relationships fail because respect was lacking, and I’ve seen some succeed because respect was there, even if it was only for a couple months.

-Brian

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1 Comment

  1. Rilla said,

    Oh wow. I found someone worse at prolonging relationships than moi! What I’m liking about Shagablogger is that the people posting seem to have brains. (Let’s just say that people into blogging tend have brains.) As opposed to a random place where the majority speaks the language of Crap. The only thing is that it’s new and still not a whole lot of members.

    FYI though, I was probably reading your mind instead of your blog when I brought up the superiority complex thing. 😛 I once went out with a guy who forbid his guy friends to speak to me or even look at me when I’m around. I got very, very annoyed. Lack of trust there.

    And the girls, well, I’ve never had one be a friend first and a girlfriend later; the barrier exists, and at that point, we’re totally comfortable.

    Never had that too. For me it’s either we start off being attracted to each other or we just don’t and won’t have chemistry at all. My sister and some of my friends simply fail to comprehend it.

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